Running on empty
The cost of creative burnout and how to not hate your passion
Confession #1: this newsletter was meant to go out last Friday (so it could count as my October issue).
Confession #2: actually, I had a version of this drafted last Fall (yes, Fall 2024).
I’ll get right to it: I’m burnt tf out.
People talk about burnout from the work that they hate, but there’s another type of burnout that seems to be more hush-hush. I’m talking about the burnout that comes from doing work that you love.
I recognize that it’s a privilege to do work that you love, so to admit that you’re burnt out from your passion feels so ungrateful (because hey, isn’t this what you worked so hard to get to?). But, it doesn’t change the fact that the burnout is still very, very real.
Burnout in general is awful, but this type of burnout is particularly complicated. Not only does it come with the same joy-sucking nature of good ol’ “I hate my job” burnout, but it also comes layered with guilt, shame, and self doubt that make it especially hard to admit that sometimes, all you want to do is throw in the towel and lie down.
It’s no secret or surprise that I’m a proud Manifesting Generator (aka: someone who thrives off wearing many hats). Even after I left my traditional 9-5, I intentionally donned multiple hats—it made me feel so alive! But recently, those hats have started to feel heavy and worn down.
One of my largest—and oldest—hats is serving as the Executive Director of a nonprofit publishing house. It was one of the hats that kept me lit up during the darkest moments of my old 9-5. It gave me immense purpose for 8+ years, but these days, the light has felt quite dim—so dim that I’ve contemplated walking away more times this past month than I have all year.
When it comes to this type of burnout, I find myself desperately gathering any twig in sight to keep the fire going for just a little bit longer, while I try to convince myself that it’ll eventually get better.
When I opened Substack last week to write this issue, I saw the October 2024 draft sitting in my dashboard. I couldn’t remember what it was about, so I re-read it. It transported me back to shortly after the dust settled from my nonprofit’s latest magazine launch party and crowdfund. There was so much to be proud of, but I literally had no energy to celebrate. The burnout from the year of nonstop go-go-go had stopped me from pouring into other parts of my life that lit me up.
After reading through the draft, it became abundantly clear that the burnout never really went away. I used to think that burnout could be cured, that if I simply made more of an effort to rest or trim down my to do list, then I would love what I did all the time. Now I know the reality of burnout: it can never really be cured and doing what you love will always require more, if not less, work (a la
):
Despite wanting to be horizontal all the time, I haven’t given up hope just yet. The fire isn’t fully extinguished, but I know that something needs to change. I don’t necessarily know what needs to change, but I’m willing to take the time to figure it out.
If you’ve been feeling crushed by the weight of your creative burnout, especially against the backdrop of all the insanity happening in our world today, I don’t blame you. But if you’re not ready to give up on your passions, then I invite you to join me in taking small steps towards reigniting that inner flame so you can show up for your life, not just your work.
As we move into the final weeks of the year, I hope you can give yourself permission to pause and listen to what your soul really wants and needs—and tend to it. I’ll be there alongside you, taking an honest look at what needs to change so I can fall back in love with my passion.
Horizontally,
Krystie
Creative warm up
Before you can begin even thinking about burnout recovery, you have to identify your energy vampires 🧛🏻♀️.
This month’s warm up is called Less is More. It’s deceptively simple and channels the power of subtraction to create more space in your life.
Instructions:
Find a quiet space and take out a journal or a sheet of paper and reflect on the question: What factors are currently contributing to your sense of burnout?
Common sources of burnout include: workload, fairness, control, reward, community, and values.
If you’re unsure or feeling stuck, then consider an alternative framing: how does burnout show up for you (physical, mental, and behavioral)?
Note: You can answer this as a good ol’ journal entry, or you can draw it out, make a mind map, whatever feels right to you.
Now, on a separate page or sheet of paper, list everything on your plate this week (e.g., work tasks, social obligations, chores, life admin). Write everything, big or small, that takes up energy.
Circle or highlight what aligns with your values or brings you joy/satisfaction.
For each remaining item, ask yourself if it can be delayed/shifted, delegated, or let go.
Pick at least one item to let go or delegate.
Take a deep breath and commit to not adding more to your list this week. THIS IS CRITICAL! We tend to fill up space whenever it presents itself. If you need extra support, tell a friend so they can keep you accountable.
If you want to go deeper on burnout recovery—and like me, have #bigworksheetenergy—then I recommend downloading this Burnout Recovery & Rest Planning Guide by Passion Planner & Entwine, an AAPI mental health nonprofit. It includes a mix of reflection prompts and exercises to help you really get to the core of your burnout and understand the different ways you can support your well-being so you can build your own burnout recovery toolkit.
What’s on my nightstand
A few years ago, my friend Jojo gifted me a copy of Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking The Stress Cycle by Emily & Amelia Nagoski. I had heard of the Nagoski sisters from their previous book, Come As You Are, and was fascinated by the physical impact of burnout. As someone who spends 80% of the day living above their shoulders (aka: I’m very heady), I was curious about how burnout manifested in my body.
The book is also written through the lens of what it’s like to experience burnout as a woman / female-identifying person. It’s grounded in the belief that women experience burnout differently than men, physiologically and emotionally. The Nagoski sisters talk more about this on Brené Brown’s podcast, Unlocking Us.
When Jojo first gifted me this book, I didn’t feel called to read it in its entirety, but given how immobilized I feel by burnout these days, I’m thinking that now is a good time to crack it open and give it another go.
“For some of us, it’s been so long since we listened to our bodies, we hardly know how to start understanding what they’re trying to tell us, much less how to trust and believe what they’re saying. To make matters worse, the more exhausted we are, the noisier the signal is, and the harder it is to hear the message.”
🔔 Giveaway alert 🔔
It’s a rough time of year right now (although Zohran Mamdani’s mayoral win last night gives me hope!!!), so I’d love to gift a few newsletter subscribers a copy of this book if you think it’d be supportive for your burnout recovery journey ❤️🩹.
If you’re interested in reading it this winter, then all you have to do is like this post and leave a comment with how you’re currently feeling (it doesn’t have to be long, just honest!).
Bonus entry if you share this newsletter with friends! I’ll randomly pick a winner at the end of November so it can be your holiday read.
PS: Want other book recommendations? Check out my virtual bookshop, which houses some of my favorite books on creativity, personal growth, and community building. It’s on bookshop.org, so you’re not only supporting indie bookstores, but also me (I get a teeny tiny cut of the proceeds at no additional cost to you)! It’s a win-win-win, imo.
What’s on my radar
After two months of traveling and hosting friends and family at my home, I’m looking forward to staying put in Los Angeles to tend to my mental health and participate in mutual aid.*
11/8: Entwine Wellness Retreat (San Fernando Valley) - A restorative 1/2 day experience featuring curated workshops, communal care, and voices centering AAPI healing. This year’s theme (“Finding Our Way Forward”) is a response to the collective grief, uncertainty, and heaviness while finding strength in community. They’re offering scholarships for those impacted by the LA wildfires.
11/9: Clothing Swap hosted by Swap Shop x By Way of Us (Lincoln Heights) - Another season, another purge! This is one of my favorite forms of community care, and I have a good feeling about this one (I love all of BWOU’s events!). They’re also running a hygiene products drive for Angel Step Inn, a domestic violence emergency shelter in LA.
11/14: CreativeMornings Los Angeles (Arts District) - The global breakfast speaker series is officially back in LA after a hiatus! I met a lot of amazing people through CM when I lived in NY, so I can’t wait to connect with the diverse creatives here in LA. I’ll also be volunteering the day of, so come say 👋🏼 before your morning dose of inspiration!
11/29-12/4: San Gabriel Valley (SGV) Indie Bookstore Passport - I’m a huge library fan, but if I have to buy a book, I try to support indie shops, so I’m excited that some of the most beloved bookstores in the SGV have joined forces to make a passport for Small Business Saturday! tl;dr - stop by each shop for a chance to win a big, bookish prize!
Save the date
I’m keeping it low key in November, but am closing out the year with 2 community events that I’m hosting in Los Angeles:
12/2: Write Night - a write and sip fundraiser (South Pasadena) - The first Write Night to support CHIR-LA was an unbelievable success (we raised $1,700 and even ran out of chairs), so I’m excited to share that author and journalist
and I will be hosting this fundraiser on a quarterly basis at Burden of Proof! Come work on your latest creative project in the company of fellow angry, but hopeful creatives. RSVP link to be shared soon.12/7: Inhalation: Creative Book Club (Highland Park) - You’re invited to join my creative book club (hosted in partnership with CreativeMornings!). Every month, we’ll read books that spark introspection and creative expansion, and then meet up at a cafe or community space to dive deep into the themes and engage our inner children through creative activities inspired by the book. The first book is Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert.
*If you’re aware of any mutual aid efforts in LA (specifically for immigrant communities and families / individuals affected by the cut of SNAP benefits), please let me know! I’d love to amplify or volunteer.
So glad to see you write again Krystie! I feel like burnout hurts more when it’s our passion because we also add all this pressure and expectation of how we should or shouldn’t feel. At least I’ve felt that way in the past about my art!
I hope you find some easeful, joyous creative activities in the near future and let yourself fully embrace them no matter how silly or different they are to your identity!
My day is always going to turn around when I see Krystie in my inbox. So honored for the mention (and I re-read this book the other day actually!) Forwarding this to so many friends who need to hear this today. <3